What if Bethlehem had Broadband?
With Christmas approaching, I started wondering what would have happened if Judea had social media?
Scene One: The Time: 1 day B.C., the Friday evening before Christmas. The Place: Heaven’s Offsite Data Center . The People: God & Angelo, CTA (Chief Technology Angel). The Challenge: Launching the biggest social media campaign in history.
Angelo: Great news! We’re ready, and I can assure you that “Project Beth Star” is now fully operational.
God: You KNOW I’m not fan of this social media stuff. I’m thinking about sending you instead.
Angelo: Whoa, whoa, whoa – we talked about this. I don’t travel well – what with the time difference and all.
God: Time? You’re traveling at light speed – there IS no time.
Angelo: Can’t we just Skype them?
God: Too many interface problems with Windows 7.
Angelo: What about VOIP (Voice Over Inner Palestine)?
God: Too many dropped calls in the cloud, and this event is just too important.
Angelo: Okay, okay, let me think. Alright, what if we sent a message directly to everyone. Something like:
From: God
To: All People
Subject: Good tidings
We could call it He-Mail. Oh, that’s catchy, we should seriously trademark™ that.
God: So, we’d send this to “All People?” Wouldn’t that be like the DEFINITION of spam?
Angelo: You’re right. We could go with Twitter…but between the shepherds and wise men this story already has well over 140 characters, so that wouldn’t work.
God: Angelo look, He’s my Son, it’s His birthday. I just don’t want anything to go wrong.
Angelo: Fine. Now could you please just call me Lo? Angelo is so formal.
God: Whatever, now get down there. I want this hand-delivered, and I want it BIG. I want to send a message instantly to the entire world. Hey, maybe we could call it an “instant message.” Wait, wait, check this out. When you get there, I’ll send a text to everyone up here to create a flash mob over Bethlehem just as you’re done delivering the message. And make sure you take lots of pictures so I can put them all over MySpaceBook page – the retweets alone are going to crash the servers! It could be on the cover of Star Magazine! I’m so glad I got this Palm Pilot, I feel like I can run the whole universe!
Angelo: TGIF
God: You’re welcome.
Scene Two: The Time: 1 Hour Later. The Date: Caesar Augustus’ New Taxing Holiday. The Place: Bethlehem. The Text: Luke 2: 7-15
7And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn. 8And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night. 9And, LO, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid. 10And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. 11For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, which is Christ the Lord. 12And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. 13And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, 14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men. 15And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us. 16And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger. 17And when they had seen it, they made known abroad the saying, which was told them concerning this child.
Shepherd: OMG!!!
Lo: Exactly.
Twitter@Shepherd: Working nightshift. Saw angels in outfield. Good news, gr8 joy. Check out my link on YouTube. Heading to Bethlehem. Tried Mapquest, but apparently all roads lead to Rome.
Villager: Couldn’t find the link. Tried Googling “Babe” but don’t think those were the right results.
Shepherds Wife: Sounds like Dancing with the Stars meets Glee…and I’m here watching reruns of Desperate Israelites.
Tax Holiday Inn Sold Out: Make your reservations for New Year’s Eve.
God: Foursquare status update – New location: Earth.
Joseph: Ladies and Gentiles, I am now the Mayor of Bethlehem. Baby in stable condition.
Goldman Stocks: Livestock Market hits new highs on lamb futures.
Shepherd: Still can’t find Bethlehem! Feel like I’ve been wandering for years…
Mary: Crazy night! Just gave birth. Still pondering lots of stuff.
Attention Carpenters: Check out our Manger’s Special at Rome Depot, just 1 mile past Stall-Mart on the left.
God: I am now Mayor of EARTH.
Lo: “Rome Depot?” Really?? That’s it – I’m opening my own hardware store. We’ll call it “Lo’s.”
Mary’s Mom: FYI, I just TiVo’d Iron Age Chef for you – great recipe for turning water into wine.
JCPenny: Click here for our new Swaddling Clothes lineup for spring!
Joseph’s Brother: Congrats Dude! Glad to hear you’ve finally settled down and come to your census.
Joseph: Thanks, man. So what do you think of this new Emperor Caesar?
Mary: Didn’t they just name a salad after him?
Joseph: LOL! And a little Pizza Pizza place too.
Stables: That was Easy™.
Mary’s Sister to her friend: I’m excited for them and all, but enough is enough. They way they talk about him, you’d think He could walk on water.
God: Give Him time.
Mary: Just set up new Fan Page – 316 Likes already! Gotta leave stable before I catch swine flu or this mad cow goes viral.
3 Wise Men: Sorry we’re late. Still getting used to this new OnStar system.
Joseph: This was weird. Three wise men stopped by. Nice gifts, but if they were really that smart they would’ve been here during visiting hours. Plus, they forgot to close the door – were they born in a barn???
Stall Street Journal: Commodities run on Gold, Frankincense, Myrrh.
God: Facebook update: Published new book, already on Nazareth Times Best Seller list. Check out the link: http://www.OldTestament.com. Already bringing in some minor profits. Just started working on sequel. Spoiler Alert: He dies, but then comes back to life.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!
Douglas O’Bryon’s sanguine Soundbite Laureate moniker paints a poetic self-portrait of this adult prodigy, who enjoys nothing more than pitting man versus metaphor in a continuing fight for justice from his vantage point high above Strongsville’s suburban Serengeti.Author and artist, bodybuilder and businessman, cereal entrepreneur and everyman, soccer Dad and MBA grad, he is a realist, idealist, and surrealist, who considers his job done when he has blended high tech with high touch into an easy to swallow Digital Casserole, which is, ironically, also the name of his blog. He is currently working his new novel, a sequel to The Titanic. He’s also the Chief Content Officer of http://www.DemingHill.com.
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