Since October of last year, each day we wake up to yet another fallen industry titan. Some call it justice. Others call it the war on men. No matter one’s perspective, what’s true is we can never go back to what was.
As Frances McDormand, winner for her performance in Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, so eloquently stated at this year’s Golden Globe Awards, “And to be part of the tectonic movement in our industry’s power structure. Trust me. The women in this room tonight are not here for the food. We are here for the work. Thank you.”
What’s interesting is that the day after the show, Golden Globe winner James Franco was accused of sexual misconduct and, as of the writing of this piece, so has Globe-winner Aziz Ansari. Who knows who will be accused tomorrow? Who really knows what happened in any of the situations? Who gets to decide what sounds like amoral behavior and who must carry the burden of proof?
I have friends who, based on their social media posts, 100% support the women in each reported story, no questions asked. No desire to hear the other side. These friends mostly happen to be women. I also have friends who now avoid so much as to wink, smile or even send a flirty emoji to a woman they may actually be interested in because these men are terrified of the implications of misunderstood or unwanted communication. Imagine what first dates look and feel like today.
I know about one situation that perfectly defines our post-Harvey Weinstein modern times. Two divorced adults in their late 40s who both share mutual friends, grew up in the same neighborhood and went to the same high school went on a first date. They met at a coffee shop and talked for two hours. And yet, she couldn’t read him. Did he like her? Was he interested? One second he seemed really into their conversation. The next his body language was pulling back. And never once did he compliment her on her looks or appearance.
At the end of their date he walked her to her car and she gave him a hug. He called her 10 minutes after she got home to tell her what a nice time he had and that he really wanted to reach for her hand, but he was so scared of her reaction — her rejection — that he wasn’t even going to risk that move. They scheduled a second date and just the day before he wanted, via their text message exchange — i.e. in writing — confirmation that if he was going to make a move on her on their second date that she would guarantee a favorable response. They never saw each other again.
Just as dating rituals will now evolve, the workplace of 2018 is going to be a very different office. It’s the antithesis of the Mad Men days. Different dynamics. Big changes. The Academy of Motion Pictures, in direct response to the Harvey Weinstein scandal, has since issued a Standards of Conduct. Sexual harassment accusations at “modern” firms like Uber and Vice are shaking things up. The CEO of Uber stepped down and Vice settled with four women. Universities, the beacon of organizational tradition, which once simply discouraged professor/student relationships are now outright banning them. Human resource departments are working overtime, with input for corporate leaders and lawyers, revisiting and revising their organizational manuals. Department Christmas parties of the past are over.
Some now fear that anyone at any moment can be blamed for bad behavior. That one accusatory tweet can destroy a career. That there’s no due process. That it’s about bringing back the guillotine in form of social media and public outcry, and that whatever happens if there’s any legal action, we the vultures will not be satisfied until we poke away at all the dead carcasses, guilty or not. Because we’ve had enough and we are angry.
Others are raising their fists in the air, finally having the voice to come forward and share their stories, their shame. Awkward, painful, embarrassing and traumatic interactions that may have occurred two weeks ago or two decades ago. When we didn’t have the voice, audience or support to verbalize them or were simply too naive, too complacent, too afraid to say anything to anyone.
No matter whose side we humans are on, our places of work will never be the same.
Perhaps this will make work less fun. Perhaps what was once considered fun was actually incredibly uncomfortable behavior for women and men who didn’t want any part of the inner-office flirting, tasteless jokes, obscene language, frequent gossip, even more frequent mansplaining, promotion overlook, pay scale discrepancy and out-of-balance hiring practices.
It’s far less about testosterone and different gender wiring, and far more about controlling one’s impulses and respecting another person’s space, body and intelligence. Just as today’s parents are telling their kids that they are under zero obligation to hug every adult who wants to touch them, we are finally making it very clear that in the secular arena no one has the permission to physically interact with us, on any level, unless we want that interaction too. Handshakes will do just fine, thank you.
Perhaps without all the noise and distraction of a toxic work or school environment, employees and students can actually do their jobs and contribute more to their organizations, resulting in better pay because advancement will solely be based on performance and not on questionable behaviors, bra sizes and hotel room politics. Perhaps there will be less time-wasting meetings because the time spent around the table will focus on the topics at hand and not about the sharing of personal stories. Perhaps talent will be recognized based on results and not on the gender/race/age or body type it came in.
Perhaps a certain female executive who has advanced at a rapid-fire pace, avoiding every company layoff, while juggling kids at home, who gets all kinds of unconventional perks thrown at her to not quit, and who, with each changing of the guard, swiftly warms herself up to every new male executive that has the power to promote her, can finally demonstrate whether it was her brains or brawn that got her to where she is.
Perhaps a certain male sales executive who thought we women didn’t mind every single time he put his arm around us, called us “honey” and reminded us of his post-divorce boathouse, finally got a clue and has raised his kids to be more evolved gentlemen — in the bedroom and the boardroom.
Perhaps an associate art professor who once assumed that just because a former female student asked him to dinner one early evening to talk art (when each of them was already married) that she was there to have an affair with him, and then got so angry at her that he stormed out of the restaurant just because her answer to him was a clear and simple No, never made that assumption again. He’s head of the art department now. He’s got a lot more power.
I’m not naive. I do understand that people are subjective, that attraction is a real thing and that Thomas More’s Utopia is anything but.
But. The good old days of Mad Men are now far gone.
Time’s Up.
Mad Men image: IMDb.com
Alexsandra (Alex) Sukhoy. I’m a writer, marketer and career coach at Creative Cadence LLC, and teach business students at CSU. You can find my first business book, Date Your Career: The Longest Relationship of Your Life, on Amazon. I’m currently writing a film noir screenplay called Cleveland City.
Twitter: @creativecadence. #letstalk