DURSTIN: Ed FitzGerald’s “ParkingLotGate” Is Much Ado About Nobody

By Larry Durstin

Last week marked the 40th anniversary of Richard Nixon’s resignation because of Watergate, the monumental scandal that brought down the most powerful man in the world. Last week also saw the revelation that County Executive Ed FitzGerald was caught in a parking lot at 4:30 am with a woman and was driving with a temporary permit.

What we have here is the contrast between a sublime scandal worthy of a political titan like Nixon and a ridiculous one befitting a political pipsqueak like FitzGerald.

The question being bandied about by political pundits is whether “ParkingLotGate” or “LearnersPermitGate” will doom FitzGerald’s chances in the Ohio Governor’s race this fall. The answer to that is “of course not,” since FitzGerald had absolutely no chance to beat John Kasich before these “scandals” broke due to the reality that he is a total lightweight with little or no real political skills, has run a campaign that is best described as Amateur Hour and has no future in elected office.

To call him an empty suit would be doing an incredible disservice to the proud garment industry.

Let’s not forget that FitzGerald was able to slide his way into the Cuyahoga County Executive position in 2010 primarily because his FBI background provided a squeaky clean image following the dark corruption of the Dimora/Russo regime. He was simply in the right place at the right time, having only to conquer the likes of community activist Terri Hamilton Brown, self-described “ignorant hillbilly” Diane Hill, non-campaigning Brooklyn bus driver James Brown, the soon-to-be biblical Ken Lanci, and the Republican son of Cleveland Indians cheapskate owner Larry Dolan.

Once in office, FitzGerald sashayed around town in a celestial manner that had him nicknamed “FitzJesus,” as he lorded over the county system, browbeat the generally powerless county council and decided to run for governor less than halfway through his first ineffectual term. Somehow something — perhaps the youthful map of Dublin on his face or the toothsome grins of his well-scrubbed family — enabled him to receive the backing of statewide Dem powerbrokers (the same sagacious folks who served up sacrificial lambs Dean Burch in 1994 and Tim Hagan in 2002, each of whom received less than 40% in the gubernatorial election).  Fitz won the Democratic primary by defeating Larry Ealy, who decided to run for governor while sitting in a Montgomery County jail cell. 

Undaunted by his paper mache resume and hollow victories, FitzGerald forged ahead in his attempt to be the first Democrat to unseat an incumbent Republican governor in nearly 60 years, stacking one ham-fisted blunder after another onto a campaign that screamed “Dead Man Walking” even before this recent silliness surfaced.

Ah, the FitzGerald scandals. Let’s see, he was spotted about two years ago in a Westlake parking near the crack of dawn with a visiting woman from the Emerald Isle. No crime, no charges, no nothing. But wait, an investigation revealed that Fitz only had a temporary driver’s license at that time and for several years before. If he dropped off that woman that night at her hotel, he was obviously driving illegally then and had been doing so for all those years.

Also, someone saw him sometime or another pick up a woman after a council meeting in Westlake. Maybe it was she who was in that car and not the Irish lass. Wait, that makes no sense. Or does it? Maybe he was having an affair with that woman and gave her a job of some kind. And affair or not, quid pro quo or not, he was still driving with a learner’s permit. Thus was set, perhaps, the lowest bar for a scandal in American political history.

FitzGerald blamed the state Republicans for the “dirty trick” of blowing the learners’ permit whistle. Probably, but there are enough Democrats in the county who view him as a political lightweight, a profound drag on their statewide ticket and a jerk.  Fitz is irrelevant to Republicans and is feared by no one.  He barely warrants the wasting of a dirty trick by either side.

Of course, FitzGerald was raked over the coals by the Plain Dealer’s august Editorial Board, which spit out copious streams of shame in Ed’s direction while comparing him to Vladimir Putin. “Reader’s Representative” Ted Diadum (insert your own joke here) wasted a couple pints of ink trying to explain why the PD couldn’t in good conscience and journalistic integrity avoid spending gallons and gallons of ink on something as heinous as driving for several years with only a learner’s permit.

In this magnificent Cleveland summer of LeBron’s return, the awarding of the Republican Convention and the well-earned national attention garnered by a city bustling with big-time hopes and energy, ParkingLotGate seems to be something that Barney Fife should be investigating and Opie’s newspaper should be covering.

Hopefully, the diversion provided by this silly scandal won’t obscure politicos from remembering FitzGerald’s ineptness both as a public servant and gubernatorial candidate. Because down the road, when Fitz wistfully thinks about his career and longs for what might have been if only . . . someone needs to remind him that there was really nothing there to begin with.

 

 

 

 

Larry Durstin is an independent journalist who has covered politics and sports for a variety of publications and websites over the past 20 years. He was the founding editor of the Cleveland Tab and an associate editor at the Cleveland Free Times. Durstin has won 12 Ohio Excellence in Journalism awards, including six first places in six different writing categories. He is the author of the novel The Morning After John Lennon Was Shot. LarryDurstinATyahoo.com

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