Much compassionate ink has been spilled over the tragic killing of Aisha Fraser. Her tragic death has left all of us scratching our heads and pointing fingers as we try to make sense of the senseless. If Lance Mason had served his full sentence, instead of a truncated one due to so many people writing letters on his behalf stating their beliefs that he would never again lay a finger on his wife, he would have still been behind bars and could not have harmed her.
But what about when even a longer sentence was completed, do we know for sure that he would not have still harmed or killed her then? No, we don’t, and it’s time we admitted it. But what we do know — thanks to research done by retired Judge C. Ellen Connally — is that a study carried out “between 2001 and 2012 showed that 11,706 women were killed by their partners or former partners … and that NBC News reported in 2017 that an average of three women every day was murdered in America by a domestic partner.” Those are the cold, hard facts.
While those numbers are staggering what’s more mindboggling is the fact that it’s safe to say that the vast majority of the murdered women had some sort of protection or restraining order in place due to previous violence. Experts know that rarely does death occur from the first instance of violence; it usually escalates incrementally until the killing occurs.
With everyday pressures increasing in general on members of society, it’s a safe bet that people with low coping skills will continue to take their frustrations out of the most available target: The person they have their closest relationship with, their significant other.
Over the last couple of decades, experts in the field of domestic violence have worked tirelessly to protect women and bring down the number of women that suffer abuse. They have temporary — and long-term — shelters in place so that battered women can take their children and hide from their abuser. But obviously too many women don’t avail themselves of the shelters for whatever reason, and indeed the shelters are not a permanent solution.
Perhaps it’s time for us to listen to a bit of mother wit: “If he hits you once, he’ll hit you again” is what mothers have been known to tell their daughters forever. And past behavior is highly predictive of future behavior. And just as Aisha Fraser told friends that she was still fearful of Lance Mason, women innately know when they are in danger.
As a society, we have to finally admit that psychologists and judges cannot predict with any degree of accuracy if an abuser will do it again, no matter how many anger management sessions they have been forced to take. Their sickness is not amenable to reason or logic, and the words on a restraining order are just that: Words. Words predators don’t respect. Our expectation that people prone to committing domestic violence will somehow change just because some judge has so ordered is indeed foolish. Yes, a few do, but so few the number is statically insignificant.
To my mind, these abused women are left with but two options: One is to buy a gun, learn how to use it, and if he ever lays his hands on you again blow his fucking brains out. Unfortunately, this option happens more in the movies than in real life; most women simply are not capable of defending themselves in that manner, and wounding an abuser will only make matters worse.
The other option is to move. Run. Run away as fast as your feet will carry you. A strong national network, something akin to the witness protection programs that currently exist, needs to be established, one that gives women all of the support and assistance they need to permanently change cities. Maybe an Akron woman, along with her family, is resettled to Cleveland, or a Cleveland woman is moved to California. As for an abuser demanding visitation rights, the courts have to simply say, “You forfeited those rights when you perpetrated the act of violence. Denied. Now fuck off.”
Is it fair that a woman should have to pick up and start all over someplace else, leaving family and friends behind, to escape a violent person? No, it’s not. Is it fair that she has to raise her children without their father? Again, no. But sometimes life simply isn’t fair, but lives are certainly worth saving, no matter what it takes. At least the victim is still alive.
As for funding such an endeavor, know this: Ours is still the wealthiest nation the world has ever seen, and the only reason such a program would not be established is due to a lack of political will, not a lack of money.
And there is perhaps a third option: Longer sentences for violent abusers — much, much longer; albeit there is no guarantee this would work. Getting oneself out of harm’s way is still perhaps the best option.
From CoolCleveland correspondent Mansfield B. Frazier mansfieldfATgmail.com. Frazier’s From Behind The Wall: Commentary on Crime, Punishment, Race and the Underclass by a Prison Inmate is available in hardback. Snag your copy and have it signed by the author at http://NeighborhoodSolutionsInc.