MANSFIELD: Keeping People Out of Ohio

State Rep. Candice Keller wants to manage your private life because “small government.”

If further proof is needed that Ohio is a really a Southern state that just happens to be located in the North — a state basically governed by a bunch of knuckle-dragging political Neanderthals that gather in Columbus and come up with bills that shout to the world “We want to go back to burning people at the stake” — simply consider the latest abortion bill introduced in the legislature.

The Guardian newspaper recently reported that “A bill to ban abortion introduced in the Ohio state legislature requires doctors to ‘re-implant an ectopic pregnancy’ into a woman’s uterus — a procedure that does not exist in medical science — or face charges of ‘abortion murder.’ An “ectopic pregnancy” is when an embryo implants on the mother’s fallopian tube rather than her uterus, thus rendering the pregnancy unviable and creates a life-threatening condition which “can kill a woman if the embryonic tissue grows unchecked.”

The newspaper reports that, for the second time, “practicing obstetricians and gynecologists have tried to tell the Ohio legislators that the idea is currently medically impossible.” Nonetheless, these dunderheads from the backwoods and hinterlands of Ohio are trying to pass a bill that would brand as criminals both the mother and the doctor that saves her life by ending an ectopic pregnancy.

The bill is sponsored by Representatives Candice Keller who hails from Butler County (which, sitting between Dayton and Cincinnati, is rumored to have the lowest median I.Q. of any county in the state) and Ron Hood from Pickaway County (where, allegedly, snake-handling is still prevalent at Sunday church services), and is co-sponsored by 19 other simpletons who belong to Ohio’s 99-member House, many of whom — especially those from the southern part of the state bordering Kentucky and West Virginia — are rumored to be married to their own cousins.

Their new measure, if enacted, would mandate a sentence of life in prison for violators. “I don’t believe I’m typing this again but, that [procedure] is impossible,” wrote Ohio obstetrician and gynecologist Dr. David Hackney on Twitter. “We’ll all be going to jail,” he said.

In a Facebook post after the El Paso mass shooting, Keller blamed “homosexual marriage,” “drag queen advocates,” and “recreational marijuana” for the carnage, which prompted the chairwoman of the Republican Party in Ohio, Jane Timken, to call on Keller to resign. Of course Keller didn’t, since she is having too much fun poking intelligent people in the eye with a sharp stick by introducing batshit crazy legislation. The shame of the Republican Party is that it can’t seem to stop, or even slow her down.

One way to assure Ohio will continue to lose population is for the legislature to allow crazed members to run amok and frighten the bejabbers out of any sane, educated person that might be considering moving to the Buckeye State. Who would willingly move back to the Dark Ages?

From CoolCleveland correspondent Mansfield B. Frazier Frazier’s From Behind The Wall: Commentary on Crime, Punishment, Race and the Underclass by a Prison Inmate is available in hardback. Snag your copy and have it signed by the author at http://NeighborhoodSolutionsIn

Post categories:

5 Responses to “MANSFIELD: Keeping People Out of Ohio”

  1. Gabriel A. Batten

    Pro choice from Ohio. Your proposal is foolish.

  2. David Lilly II

    That’s bull shot those people who think that way should be put in prison and removed from office and replaced by normal real human beings.

  3. American woman

    Interestingly enough you do not cite the bill source.
    Perhaps this is nothing more than speculation or bad political opining designed to gain up the lazy masses who wont do their homework on this. Off ti di what you neglected to do …look up the bill, sponsor and actual text. Lazy journalism.

  4. Mickie

    Wow I love in Ohio and this really scares me. What the hell is wrong with people I mean don’t they think if this could be done doctors would have been doing it all along. They really really need to resign this is about the craziest shit I ever heard.

  5. These fears are exactly why people are leaving Ohio, knuckle-dragging political Neanderthals, dunderheads from the backwoods and hinterlands, homophobic hypocrites that worship on Sunday while snake-handling, crazed members who run amok and frighten the bejabbers. These are the people who control the Deparment of Education.

Leave a Reply