In order to raise funds for our non-profit I’ve decided to have a “Clearance Sale” on Facebook “friends” … and maybe even throw in a Linkedin “friend” as a bonus. It’s not that I don’t appreciate all of my thousands of social media “friends” it’s just that I’m approaching the upper limit allowed by Facebook.
It’s my understanding that Facebook only allows someone to have 5,000 “friends” and at the rate I’m accumulating them I’ll reach that limit in less than a month. Every time I log onto the site (which, I admit is only once or twice a week) I have somewhere between a dozen to two dozen “friend” requests. If I write a particularly incisive column on CoolCleveland that number goes up, sometimes dramatically.
Unlike my wife, who’s very selective in regards to whom she’ll confirm as a “friend” (she checks their pedigree, and if their family didn’t come over on the Mayflower, they have zero chance of being allowed into her network) I, being a journalist, am not quite as picky. I figure that anyone wishing to be a “friend” of a grizzled, old, ex-convict like yours truly, hey, who am I to turn my nose up?
But I assure potential buyers there are no fake friends from Russia or Nigeria, those snaggle-pussed old scammers huddled over their computers in a tent somewhere, pretending to be a comely young woman who’s simply dying to meet me because she saw my profile online and fell in love immediately. I guarantee there’s not a “Foxy Roxy” in the entire lot of them. These are all real “friends”.
Some of the people I routinely confirm have few “friends” of their own and Facebook sometimes asks me to recommend additional ones for them — something I never do. But obviously “friends” are of value; otherwise people would not be soliciting them so assiduously. And in a free market economy like ours, anything that’s of value can be sold.
So I’m selling off some older “friends” (they’re all as good as new, since I rarely use them … indeed, some still have the tags on them) for two purposes: to raise funds and make room for newer ones.
Buy any two of my high quality Facebook “friends” for the amazingly low price of $29.99, and I’ll throw in a Linkedin contact absolutely free. All of them come with a full money back guarantee; try them out for a few weeks, and if you’re not completely satisfied with them, return them for a full refund. Now you can’t beat that offer.
Of course Mark Zuckerberg might not be too thrilled with my little fundraiser, but if he’s that bent out of shape he can always sue me to cease and desist. Don’t delay — the best of my “friends” will be going fast. You can contact me on
Facebook.
From Cool Cleveland correspondent Mansfield B. Frazier mansfieldfATgmail.com. Frazier’s From Behind The Wall: Commentary on Crime, Punishment, Race and the Underclass by a Prison Inmate is available again in hardback. Snag your copy and have it signed by the author by visiting http://NeighborhoodSolutionsInc.com.
2 Responses to “MANSFIELD: Friends For Sale”
Peter Lawson Jones
So, how much for two of your “lower quality” Facebook friends? Apparently all Facebook friends are not created equally! Hilarious commentary. Need one like this every now and then as your essays consistently challenge us to think critically and to take action.
Cicely
Hey Mansfield, why don’t you create a fan page? then you can have as many “friends” follow your work as you like without having to lose any potential supporters. 🙂