Perhaps the worse beating I ever received was at age 14, from the fists of an older dude in the ’hood whose sobriquet was “Caveman.” If you ever saw him you’d know why that was his nickname. He kicked my butt so bad I had a hump in my back for a week.
But I had nonetheless stood up to him, simply because it was a matter of principle.
The situation was this: My cousin and 9th grade classmate, Gwen, was a sweet, delicate and attractive church-going girl who had spurned Caveman’s clumsy advances — after all, he had already dropped out of high school and was headed for a nothing life — but he was determined to get attention from her, if not in a positive way, then a negative one would do just as well in his weak mind.
I sort of knew that Cave had been pestering Gwen for a while, but I didn’t know to what extent until one day after school I saw him violently grab her by the arm (sending her books tumbling to the ground) as she was attempting to walk away from him and his advances.
I’d been raised to help the underdog — and to respect others — so I instinctively ran over to aid Gwen because I knew she didn’t have any brothers to take up for her on the mean streets of the neighborhood we lived in at the time. And going to someone in authority simply wasn’t even considered back then.
I really wasn’t thinking about the ass-kicking that was sure to come, I just was determined that the bullying was going to stop. She was not going to be victimized by this brute any longer.
Fortunately, a couple of my road dogs ran over broke the fight up; otherwise Caveman might still be whipping my ass down there on Scovill Avenue to this very day. But I accomplished my goal — the harassment stopped. What the ass-whipping taught me was that men who bully women — in any way, shape, form or manner — are real live cowards; and I’ve never had any use for cowards.
This is not to say that I haven’t had a few bumps in my love life along the way, or that I haven’t been in a heated argument with a woman from time to time, especially as a younger man. I have. But the few times situations were about to get real ugly or untenable, I only had one thing to say: “If you loved me while I’m here, then you’ll miss me when I’m gone. I’m ghost.” Life’s too short to remain in a bad relationship.
And certainly some bitter women might make up a spurious charge against a man (similar to blacks making up unfounded charges of racism for some kind of advantage) for a variety of reasons. But those instances are outliers and my position on that issue is simple: A man should always be aware of the type of woman he’s dealing with. Only foolish men that think with the wrong head don’t see something like that coming, and know how to get out of the way.
There are some real sick puppies out there. Some men are so lacking in moral character they can’t control their impulses in regards to the opposite sex; they only want to objectify them for their own base desires. For them it’s similar to the slavery of old — the idea of having control over another human being they perceive as weaker, or in a compromised position. It’s really not about sex, it’s all about power.
And while the majority of the conversation around the issue of sexual harassment has been focused on white women that often have some degree of status and privilege, it’s a known fact that women of color are more prone to being subjected to bad treatment since they possess fewer options and resources with which to fight back. And transgender women of color are treated worse of all; they are often killed.
All men have (or have had) mothers, wives, daughters — and yes, female cousins. And we all know this type of disgusting behavior goes on, but we too often simply turn a blind eye and say “Oh well, boys will be boys.” We simply must stop protecting male privilege.
It’s past time for us men to begin getting up in the faces of these kinds of pigs and jerks and making the point clear that what they’re doing is unacceptable, and that even if they can’t control their thinking, they’re going to have to learn how to control their actions. We have to man up and protect women — because real men don’t play this kind of shit.
From CoolCleveland correspondent Mansfield B. Frazier mansfieldfATgmail.com. Frazier’s From Behind The Wall: Commentary on Crime, Punishment, Race and the Underclass by a Prison Inmate is available in hardback. Snag your copy and have it signed by the author at http://NeighborhoodSolutionsInc.com.